I can hear the turning of the key. I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain. Oh, something's telling me I wear the ball and chain. My patron saint is fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most. The Spanish moon is rising on the hill but, my heart is telling me I love you still. I come back to the town from the flaming moon, I see you in the streets, I begin to swoon. I love to see you dress before the mirror. Won't you let me in your room one time before I finally disappear? Everybody's wearing a disguise to hide what they've got left behind their eyes. But me, I can't cover what I am. Wherever the children go I'll follow them. I march in the parade of liberty but, as long as I love you I'm not free. How long must I suffer such abuse? Won't you let me see you smile one time before I turn you loose? I've given up the game, I've got to leave, the pot of gold is only make-believe.The treasure can't be found by men who search. Whose gods are dead and whose queens are in the church. We sat in an empty theater and we kissed. I asked you please to cross me off-a your list. My head tells me it's time to make a change but, my heart is telling me I love you but you're strange. One more time at midnight, near the wall. Take off your heavy make-up and your shawl. Won't you descend from the throne, from where you sit? Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.



Purple haze all in my brain. Lately things just don't seem the same. Acting funny, but I don't know why. Excuse me while I kiss the sky. Purple haze all around. Don't know if I'm coming up or down. Am I happy or in misery? What ever it is, that girl put a spell on me. Help me! Purple haze all in my eyes. Don't know if its day or night. You got me blowing, blowing my mind. Is it tomorrow, or just the end of time? Purple haze, tell me, baby, tell me. I can't go on like this. Purple haze! You're making me blow my mind. Purple haze, no, its painful, baby.



So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell? Blue skies from pain? Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell? And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cold breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.



Spent my days with a woman unkind, smoked my stuff and drank all my wine.  Made up my mind to make a new start, going To California with an aching in my heart. Someone told me there's a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair. Took my chances on a big jet plane, never let them tell you that they're all the same. The sea was red and the sky was grey, wondered how tomorrow could ever follow today. The mountains and the canyons started to tremble and shake as the children of the sun began to awake. Seems that the wrath of the Gods, got a punch on the nose and it started to flow; I think I might be sinking. Throw me a line, if I reach it in time I'll meet you up there where the path runs straight and high. To find a queen without a king, they say she plays guitar and cries and sings. Ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn, trying to find a woman who's never, never, never been born. Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.



You don't have to go. All those tears I cry. Baby, please don't go. When I read the letter you wrote, it made me mad. When I read the news that it brought me, it made me sad. But I still love you so, I can't let you go. I love you! Every breath I take, every move I make, baby, please don't go. You hurt me to my soul. Darling please don't go. When I read the letter you sent me, it made me mad. When I read the news that it brought me, it made me sad. But I still love you so and I can't let you go. I love you!



It was written that I would love you from the moment I opened my eyes. And the morning when I first saw you, gave me life under calico skies. I will hold you for as long as you like. I'll hold you for the rest of my life. Always looking for ways to love you. Never failing to fight at your side. While the angels of love protect us from the innermost secrets we hide. I'll hold you for as long as you like. I'll hold you for the rest of my life. Long live all of us crazy soldiers who were born under calico skies. May we never be called to handle all the weapons of war we despise. I'll hold you for as long as you like. I'll love you for the rest of my... for the rest of my life.



Remember, now, be here now. As it's not like it was before. The past, was. Be here now. As it's not like it was before - it was. Why try to live a life, that isn't real? No how. A mind, that wants to wander around a corner is an un-wise mind. Now, is, be here now. And it's not what it was before. Remember, now, be here now. As it's not like it was before - it was.



Close your eyes, have no fear, the monster's gone, he's on the run and your daddy's here. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer. Every day in every way it's getting better and better. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. Out on the ocean sailing away. I can hardly wait to see you come of age but, I guess we'll both just have to be patient. 'Cause it's a long way to go. A hard row to hoe. Yes it's a long way to go but, in the meantime... Before you cross the street, take my hand. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer. Every day in every way, it's getting better and better.  Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. Darling, darling, darling, darling Sean.



I'd like to be under the sea in an octopus's garden in the shade. He'd let us in, knows where we've been. In his octopus's garden in the shade. I'd ask my friends to come and see an octopus's garden with me. I'd like to be under the sea in an octopus's garden in the shade. We would be warm below the storm in our little hide-a-way beneath the waves. Resting our head on the sea bed in an octopus's garden near a cave. We would sing and dance around because we know we can't be found. I'd like to be under the sea in an octopus's garden in the shade. We would shout and swim about the coral that lies beneath the waves. Oh, what joy for every girl and boy knowing they're happy and they're safe. We would be so happy, you and me, no-one there to tell us what to do. I'd like to be under the sea in an octopus's garden with you.



No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes. No one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies.  But my dreams they aren't as empty s my conscience seems to be.  I have hours, only lonely. My love is vengeance that's never free. No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings like I do and I blame you. No one bites back as hard on their anger. None of my pain and woe can show through. But my dreams they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be. I have hours, only lonely. My love is vengeance that's never free.  When my fist clenches, crack it open, before I use it and lose my cool. When I smile, tell me some bad news before I laugh and act like a fool. And if I swallow anything evil put your finger down my throat. And if I shiver, please give me a blanket. Keep me warm; let me wear your coat. No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes.




Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven? I must be strong and carry on, 'cause I know I don't belong here in heaven. Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven? I'll find my way through night and day, 'cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven. Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees. Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please. Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure and I know there'll be no more tears in heaven. Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven? I must be strong and carry on, 'cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.




Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted apart? Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day when I kissed you and called you sweetheart? Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare? Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there? Is your heart filled with pain? Shall I come back again? Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight? I wonder if you're lonesome tonight.
You know someone said that the world's a stage and each must play a part. Fate had me playing in love you as my sweet heart. Act one was when we met. I loved you at first glance. You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue. Then came act two. You seemed to change and you acted strange. And why I'll never know. Honey, you lied when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you but, I'd rather go on hearing your lies than go on living without you. Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there, with emptiness all around, and if you won't come back to me then make them bring the curtain down. Is your heart filled with pain? Shall I come back again? Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?



Yellow is the color of my true loves hair in the morning when we rise. That's the time, that's the time, I love the best. Blue's the color of the sky, up high, in the morning when we rise. That's the time, that's the time, I love the best. Green's the color of the sparkling corn, in the morning when we rise.That's the time, that's the time, I love the best. Mellow is a feeling that I get when I see her. That's the time, that's the time, I love the best. Freedom is a word I rarely use, without thinking. All the time, all the time when I've been loved.



One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small. And the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all. Go ask Alice when she's ten feet tall. And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall, tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar has given you the call. Call Alice when she was just small. When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go and you've just had some kind of mushroom, and your mind is moving low. Go ask Alice, I think she'll know. When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead, and the White Knight is talking backwards, and the Red Queen's "off with her head!". Remember what the dormouse said: "Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head".




She would never say where she came from. Yesterday don't matter if it's gone. While the sun is bright or in the darkest night, no one knows. She comes and goes. Goodbye Ruby Tuesday. Who could hang a name on you, when you change with every new day.? Still I'm gonna miss you. Don't question why she needs to be so free. She'll tell you it's the only way to be. She just can't be chained to a life where nothing's gained and nothing's lost, at such a cost. Goodbye Ruby Tuesday. Who could hang a name on you, when you change with every new day? Still I'm gonna miss you. There's no time to lose, I heard her say. Catch your dreams before they slip away. Dying all the time. Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind. Ain't life unkind? Goodbye Ruby Tuesday. Who could hang a name on you, when you change with every new day? Still I'm gonna miss you.




Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train and I'm feeling nearly as faded as my jeans. Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained. It rode us all the way to New Orleans. I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandanna. I was playing soft while Bobby sang the blues. Windshield wipers slapping time, I was holding Bobby's hand in mine, we sang every song that driver knew. Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Nothing don't mean nothing honey if it ain't free, now now. And feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues. You know feeling good was good enough for me, good enough for me and my Bobby McGee. From the Kentucky coal mines to the California sun, hey, Bobby shared the secrets of my soul. Through all kinds of weather, through everything that we done, hey Bobby baby kept me from the cold. One day up near Salinas, Lord, I let him slip away. He's looking for that home and I hope he finds it but, I'd trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday to be holding Bobby's body next to mine. Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Nothing, that's all that Bobby left me, yeah but, feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues. Hey, feeling good was good enough for me. Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee. Lord, I'm calling my lover, calling my man. I said I'm calling my lover just the best I can. C'mon, where is Bobby now? Where is Bobby McGee?




Some folks are born to wave the flag. They're red white and blue. And when the band plays "Hail to the Chief", they point the cannon at you, Lord. It ain't me, it ain't me I ain't no senator's son. It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one, no. Some folks are born silver spoon in hand. Lord, don't they help themselves but, when the tax man comes to the door, Lord, the house looks like a rummage sale, yes. It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no millionaire's son, no. It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate one, no. Some folks inherit star spangled eyes. They send you down to war, Lord. And when you ask them, "How much should we give?" They only answer more! More! More!  It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no military son. It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate one.




People are strange when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly when you're alone. Women seem wicked when you're unwanted. Streets are uneven when you're down. When you're strange, faces come out of the rain. When you're strange, no one remembers your name. When you're strange. People are strange when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly when you're alone. Women seem wicked when you're unwanted. Streets are uneven when you're down. When you're strange, faces come out of the rain. When you're strange, no one remembers your name. When you're strange.




I love the colorful clothes she wears and the way the sunlight plays upon her hair. I hear the sound of a gentle word on the wind that lifts her perfume through the air. I'm picking up good vibrations. She's giving me excitations. Close my eyes, she's somehow closer now. Softly smile, I know she must be kind. When I look in her eyes she goes with me to a blossom world I'm picking up good vibrations. She's giving me excitations. I don't know where but she sends me there. Gotta keep those loving good vibrations happening with her.

Star Trek= Amazing.

This is Scooter.








This is Jeffery & Michael.




This is Nikolas.



This is Abbey.




This is Jeffery.




This is  the Devil's advocate.




This is a very scared dog.

I just want to show proof that my family is, in fact, going crazy with out me there to keep them in line.





They are confusing the cat and the baby. Clearly.


(By the way, that cat has gotten so fat.)

Well, I thought it was a funny picture.

"...I can see yo on the interstate, I can see you coming from a mile away...."

I miss Camille.
I miss Hannah.

What was I thinking at that moment?

Sick for the second time around my birthday.


I'm so excited!



KIDDING!

Caption for Micah Wayne Dunn?

New caption thing.....





??????????????????????????

Caption?


I swear Camille is the only one that reads this thing.

Guitar Hear II is the devil.

I just wanted you all to know. In case you didn't.

Music I have recently got my hands on, involves, but is not limited to...

Beirut EPs.
Eric Johnson
Fiona Apple.
Heart.
Rage Against The Machine.
Talking Heads.
Thin Lizzy.
And many more...


Laughing Baby.


Playing Baby.


Shocked Baby.


Contemplative Baby.


Determined Baby.


Happy Baby.


Expressive Baby.


Grooving Baby.


Shy Baby.



And.....

For the last section today.
Put your own caption to this picture....
(Camille, I mean you.)


I wonder what you shall come up with.

The entry is for Camille. I don't know what to put, except that I have a little story. And when I say little, I mean short. ANYWAYS!

Story....


I went to my mom and dad's house, mainly to use their internet. And food. Alas, as I was searching about the internet I cam across the oddest thing....

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1601913/20081229/death_cab_for_cutie.jhtml

For you lazy folks, this is a link to an article.

But what is it about, Sara?

Really? You're that lazy? Okay! Fine!

It says that Zooey Deschanel is getting married to Ben Gibbard, of Death Cab For Cutie/Postal Service fame.


Yeah. I thought she had better standers too.


Oh well. To each it's own, right?

...Wait, that means they are going to write songs about each other...

...And they will proubaly do an album together....





....FUCK.....


(What happened to the times when people kept all that shit on the D.L.?)

I was buried alive. I came back to haunt you. Are you drying to believe I can't go on without you? All we are is too fast for love. We're too young. I hate to love you. The night's gone and you're gone too. But you can't be missed if you never go away. It's the end of a broken heart. I went on without you. I was lost from the start. I did what I had to. You don't know I see. You can't see that I've been drowning without you. I don't know where you've been but I can wash your sins away.

It's never going to be normal for you and me. What you're signing on for is a storm at sea. So if you think you're tough give me all your love and I'll give you every little piece of me. Catch a falling star, you'll go far in the pageant of the bizarre and tonight I'll give you my heart. We will never be a nuclear family but a rainbow will begin at our feet. If you take my hand beware that this boat can run aground making the ocean floor weep. Take a chance on me. You're my remedy.

There's a special place inside my skull where your DNA coats my cerebrum in form of stuttering and drooling. My shredded throat will try to sing for you. What do you say, would you marry me today? The moon will gush all insides-out and my nightmares will go away. What do you say, would you devote yourself today? Like riding out a sinking ship as it lowers into the bay. Please stay. The blood collects and flushes out your cheek bones. I've got this secret garden; You are the only one who knows. I'm stuttering and drooling. My shredded throat will try to sing for you. I'm cutting ties with all the jealous zombies. I need to feel your warm body on me. When the sun goes down and the shadows grow just trust in us and forever know. Please keep holding on to me.

Hey, hey, hey, Mr. Hangman, you go get your rope. Your daughters weren't careful and I fear that I am a slippery slope. Now even when I lay my head down at night after a day I got perfectly right, she won't know. So pray little Kay. Love is just God on a good day. You can't blame your mother. She's trying not to see you as her worst mistake. I wish I could tell you right now but it looks like I won't be around. So you won't know. believe in me. If you think I'll let you down, well I won't. They can fire everything they've got and when you think I'm sunk I will float on and on. I have burned the bush that covered my light. Even though I'm scared I won't burn that bright. We're never going to feel as full as we felt so let's go outside and we'll play "William Tell". Take your time drawing your bead. I'll stand as still as you need. You're so good at talking smack, you heart attack, but you're the apple of my eye anyway. My smiling face, that's on my head, that's on your silver plate. So they say in Heaven there's no husbands or wives. On the say that I show up they'll be completely out of their forgiveness supply. They don't have no telephone. I can't call and tell you that I'm dead and gone, so you won't know .

It's not as if New York City burned down to the ground once you drove away. It's not as if the sun won't shine when the clouds up above wash the blues away. Are we breaking up? Is there trouble between you and I? Did my heart break enough? Did it break enough this time? Here's to all the pretty words we will never speak. Here's to all the pretty girls you're going to meet. Am I breaking up? Is there trouble on the line? Did your heart break enough this time? It feels good to be free. Betrayal is a thorny crown. You were it well just like a king. Revenge is the saddest thing. Honey, I'm afraid to say you deserve everything.

Well it's been a long time, long time now, since I've seen you smile. I'll gamble away my fright. I'll gamble away my time. In a year, a year or so, this will slip into the sea. Nobody raise their voices just another night to morn to.

In some respects I suspect you've got a respectable side. When pushed and pulled and pressured you seldom run and hide. It's for someone else's benefits not for what you want to do. Until I realize that you've realized I'm going to say these words to you.  You don't know what love is you do as your told. Just as a child at ten might act, but you're far too old. You're not hopeless or helpless and I hate to sound cold but you don't know what love is, you just do as your told. I can see you, man, can't help but win. Any problems that my arise.  In his mind there can be no sin. If you never criticize you just keep on repeating all those empty "I love you's". Until you say you deserve better I'm going to lay right into you.

Fool enough to almost be it. Cool enough to not quite see it, doomed. Pick your pocket full of sorrow. Run away with me tomorrow, June. We'll try and ease the pain. Somehow we'll feel the same. Well, no one knows where our secrets go. I send a heart  to all my dearies. When your life is so, so deary, dream. I'm rumored to the straight and narrow. While the harlots of my perils scream. I fail. But when I can, I will try to understand.  Mother, weep the years I'm missing. All our time can't be given back. Shut my mouth and strike the demons. Cursed you and your reasons. Our of hand and out of season. Out of love and out of feeling bad. When I can, I will. Words defy the plans. Old enough to always feel this. Always old, I'll always feel this.

I think my Christmas went well.

I got shirts...cds...music players and headphones...


....I got movies and gift cards...I also got sick...but I'm not bummed about that, though. The only thing that bums me about it the fact that only one side of my nose is all plugged up and I don't mix well with dayquils and all that junk...


...I had a turkey dinner with Hannah, DeShaun, and Nathan that was prepared by DeShaun's grandmother.

...I also watched the Goonies with those cats plus Cheyenne. It was all kinds of exciting.


...I can't sleep...


....And in a handful of hours I will most likely be at Fred Myers. Or the mall.


...And no. I won't be shopping at the mall. My gift card was for Fred Myers. I know what you are thinking...Why Fred Myers?


..Because, that's the place my Great Grandfather goes, and therefore believes you can get everything. So, I let him do what he wants....

....Besides, the dude is 90 years old now...So, cut him a break.


.........But the reason I will be going to the mall is to visit Mikey.  Yea, I know. I'm super cool.


But I think I am going to go have a smoke, take something to knock me out so I can get some well needed sleep. And maybe watch my new movie.



If I'm feeling frisky.

So. Today was like any other day. Except I didn't get to play in ginger bread and I actually skipped about ten minutes of 5th to have a ciggie with Steven. But other then that, normal. I got home and got a message from a boy. A boy named Michael.  So I read it and it says to call him, so I do.


And through a series of words, he invites me to go see a movie with him.


So I'm pumped. Last time I was asked to do something was a long time ago. So....


We went and saw the Golden Cumpas. It was actually pretty good. I am impressed by it. I'll be honest.

Me and Michael and an haft an hour to kill, so, we walked around the mall and towards the end of our hike, we ended up and Barnes & Noble, mainly cause Mikey had to pee. And then we got looking at a book that tells you about your dreams.


I told Mike about my re-occuring dream, which I don't tell many people, and I actually think that the book might be on to something.

Even though it was, in fact, Mike that put two and two together.

Anyways, now, clearly I am at home and about to go to bed.


Night.

So, today I got a call from Seattle Institute of Art.

I know what you are thinking...Why?

Well, despite what you might think, I actually sent things out.

And I am still considering photography as a major. Culinary school is more or less a back up.


Now this is a good school interested in me.

So, why am I so unnerved by this?

So, I am here thinking, Oh I'll post something since I haven't posted in SUCH a long time. And now I am here, and I got nothing.


Updates?

Erm...Well...Thanksgiving was lame. Except for the food. There was drama as usual. And this year sadly I didn't get money to do the dishes. My dad was not drunk enough. Damn him being able to restrain himself.

Not too long after that, it was Hannah, DeShaun and Nathan's moving in party. I felt good being able to give someone something for a change. Seeings how I'm always asking people for shit. That dinning room table that used to sit ocuardly in my "dinning room" now sits perfectly in there's. Not sure why, maybe because there was people there I didn't want to see or people there I didn't know, but I felt safest up on top of the stairs. With Cheyenne for most of it. I sat with Korey for a while, until he got distracted by a girl. That playboy. Then Mikey joined me and Cheyenne after a talk that was very much needed. The beauty of Me and Cheyenne's relationship is we can be serious, then Chey will trip over something and we can go on like we weren't talking about deep feelings like...A best friend's heart being torn apart because HE is still in love with his ex. BUT anyways. Me, Chey, and Mikey hung out at the top of the stairs for a long while. That is until Chey wanted to lie down somewhere that wasn't an ex-lover's bed. SO, we all moved down to the basement. Chey fell asleep and Mikey and I talked. Nothing too serious. Just talked. Finally just talked with the feller. And with that talk I realized, what did I realize? I think it was actually more of a refirming of the fact that kid is smooth. I don't know. Don't blame me. I'm tired now and was then. We had to wake up Chey to take me home. But I guess a part of me wished that she wouldn't wake up so Mikey would talk me home. Meh. Maybe I was scared of what would arise when we woke her up. Because we all know she can be satan when awoken.  Maybe I was just sick girl talk that I figured would happen if I hopped into a car alone with Chey. Maybe I was just tired and was in a hurry to go home because I knew that Chey would round up Korey and Justin and that would take forever. And it did. I called it. Mainly because Korey wanted that girl he was drooling over to come home with them. Whatever. Fine by me. He's 22. He can deal with his own shit. And I don't have to live with him. So, do what you like Korey! But who fucking knows. I know I don't. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't pay enough attention to my life to notice what I do or feel. And I'm starting to think that is a bad thing.


Since then it's just been coasting. And in a way I want this year to end and in another way I don't want it do cause I still don't know what I am going to do. Camille is going to go off to a college I could NEVER get into and there is no way in I will have the money to move up there. Just so we know someone. She just has to want to go to school in an expense college town, huh?


I will still have Chey, Hannah, Mikey, Nathan, AND YES even DeShaun. No matter how much I tune you out, I still care about what you've got to say. Granted it takes you a haft an hour to get to that point, but alas, I am usually will to wait out the ride and meet you at the end when you make your point. Unless it's in the morning and I haven't had a cig or coffee/another form of caffine. And that hasn't happened yet. And honestly, I'm not too worried out it.

But I guess that's the jist of what is going on. Not going to bother with spell check either. Sorry. I'm lazy and my back hurts. And I know I just kinda ended this. I started this cause I was down, but now kinda feeling up.


(Compliments always make one feel better. They were compliments to me anyways.)